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Is Jesus' Love Enough for Me?
From the time I was a young girl, I was a hopeless romantic. I could spin it to you by saying I was just plain boy-crazy, or by telling you that I possibly watched one too many Disney fairy tales along the way - but the truth of the matter is that I desperately wanted to be loved. As human beings, but women especially, we are designed to want to give and receive unconditional love. We want to be known intimately by someone who will cherish and value us for our wonderful qualities, and someone who will continue loving us right through our bad ones. As I got older, this aching desire I had to feel loved ended up making of fool of me more times than I care to recall. I made some incredibly unfortunate decisions that I'm not proud of today in an attempt to feel love. After a while, I found those attempts at "love" to be incredibly fleeting and in the long-run I was left feeling quite the opposite of what I had hoped for.
What do I do with My Secret...?
As far as I know, I’m still the only one in our family who can do it. My husband freely admits that he can’t, and not interested in ever trying. The few times my kids could have benefited from trying, there was no way I was going to show them. Visions of them using it for all the wrong reasons kept me from demonstrating a technique I had perfected. How comfortable are you stimulating your gag reflex to make yourself throw up? I’m not referencing this bathroom behavior to introduce you to nights I spent intoxicated on the bathroom floor. No, I’m using it to tell you that I know how you feel.
Why Can't I Get it Under Control?
You’re not alone
I see you. I feel you. I understand. It wasn’t that long ago that I woke up on a Sunday morning, a holiday or even a weekday, feeling like a failure. Mornings were the most painful. Sure, my head hurt with hangover, but my self-confidence was shattered by shame. Once again, I felt defeated. Despite my best efforts to control, my promises to play it safe, my determination to only drink a couple, I’d failed again. No one knew the level of loneliness I was living, the solitary confinement I had self-imposed. I was convinced no one would understand. I didn’t look or act like an alcoholic. Everyone in my social circle drank too. How could I ever ask for help? How could I ever consider living life without drinking?!
What is a Life of Significance?
God has a way of proving Himself true and He’s eager to share His secrets with anyone in search of His truths. He uses our prayers uttered in frustration as invitations. That’s what He did for me as I wrestled free from the Allure of More’s clasps. God had graciously provided many of my heart’s desires and yet my soul longed for more. Only by His grace, did I realize, the answer was not a bigger house, better job, or more exotic vacation. Gently, He whispered to my soul, I am the more you crave. After 20 plus years as His daughter, I craved the cadence of His voice, His subtle prompts directing my paths.