Why Can't I Get it Under Control?

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need

Hebrews 4:16

You’re not alone.

I see you. I feel you. I understand. It wasn’t that long ago that I woke up on a Sunday morning, a holiday or even a weekday, feeling like a failure. Mornings were the most painful. Sure, my head hurt with hangover, but my self-confidence was shattered by shame. Once again, I felt defeated. Despite my best efforts to control, my promises to play it safe, my determination to only drink a couple, I’d failed again. No one knew the level of loneliness I was living, the solitary confinement I had self-imposed. I was convinced no one would understand. I didn’t look or act like an alcoholic. Everyone in my social circle drank too. How could I ever ask for help? How could I ever consider living life without drinking?!

That regret we feel, that severe self-doubt, the confusion, it keeps us captive in a private prison of pain. There are so many of us who believed we were drinking just like everyone else, but secretly wondering if our behaviors were getting out of control.

I’d spent countless years trying to control my drinking. I tried to only drink on weekends-until Thursday...and then Wednesday “started” the weekend. I tried to only drink on special occasions-until I started hosting Taco Tuesday for my three small kids to justify a margarita. I tried to only have one drink-the ultimate test of an alcoholic-and failed every time. I even tried to stop drinking wine and only drink vodka in hopes of drinking LESS! But the more I tried to control it, the more I failed. And the more I failed, the more defeated I felt. It seemed hopeless.

But here’s the simple irony of it all. The pride of being a professional, educated woman and the confidence of a suburban married mother of three kept me from seeing the OBVIOUS. I continued to try and do the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. No amount of education, professional accolades or financial security helped me understand the most basic of concepts. I was getting nowhere trying to control my drinking my way. It’s like treading water. If I stop, I’m going to drown, if I cry out for help, someone might think I’m weak, so I’m just going to tread water right here over and over and over, believing that any day now I’m going to make it to dry land. But. I. Wasn’t. Moving. It’s INSANITY!

So, what then?! I had to consider an alternative. My inability to control my drinking effected relationships, my ability to cope with stress, and my willingness to put others first. Yes, we’re talking about drinking, but I was failing at managing my whole life. I looked put together, but I was always restless, irritable and discontent.

It wasn’t until I stopped trying to stop, that things changed. I stopped giving in to my self-pity, I stopped giving up on hope for the future and instead, I gave it to God. I surrendered my drinking, my situation, my negative self-image and all my fears of the future over to Him. I said, I can’t do this anymore. Help. Me.

Jesus can empathize with our struggles, with our temptation to do what feels right, what sounds good. Let us not forget when he walked here on Earth as a human! Throughout his 33 years, he too was subjected to weakness. The most familiar are Satan’s attempts to break Jesus during his 40 days of fasting in the wilderness (Luke 4:2). But Jesus was without sin and compromise. While he did not stumble, during some of his weakest moments he encountered the enemy and his hollow promises (Hebrews 4:15).

The same Jesus who did not bow down to temptation while starving and desperate is with you now. He’s always been there, and he understands. Scripture says, “He’ll never leave us,” (Deuteronomy 31:8). He longs to lead us into His refuge of relief. He rescued me and He’s ready to rescue you as well. In fact, He’s standing right outside that barred window begging you to stop resisting those restraints. Every time you try to control your drinking on your own, every time you tell yourself you’re strong enough and smart enough to overcome this, every time you deny that you have a problem, the knots in those ropes securing your self-sabotage get a little tighter.

Can you relax, let go and let God? It won’t be easy, but it’s simple. We must concede control, confess our feelings, confront our fears and comply with the directions shared by others who have gone before us. It doesn’t matter if we think we can or we can’t. His strength is enough (2 Corinthians 12:9). We don’t have to be perfect. We aren’t supposed to be! God can do for us that we cannot do for ourselves when we stop trying to stop on our own and start trying to live close to Him. What if...?

Practice Because We’re Imperfect

1.      Read Romans 7:15-23. Insanity, right?!?! Even Paul, one of the most influential leaders in the Bible, struggled to figure out why he did things he knew he shouldn’t be doing and didn’t want to do! This war inside of us has been going on since the beginning of time!

2.      Ask God to do for you what you cannot do for yourself. Ask Him to help you, to reveal His presence in your weakest moments so that you can lean on Him for support. He’s there, just acknowledge that you need Him.! Admit your struggle to make room for His strength and ask Him to step in for you, one day at a time.