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- Abandonment 3
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EMOTIONS
- "Kisses from Katie" 1
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- Acceptance 7
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- Alone 1
- Amazima Ministries 1
- Anger 9
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- Despair 9
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Why Can’t I Surrender?
I was on a conference call when it happened, but I could have easily been on the phone with one of my young adult kids, or in the kitchen when my husband came home, or having lunch with a good friend. Someone made a comment that shattered my peace and filled me with dismay and devastation. The rest of my world stopped while my thoughts started spinning. How can I solve this problem?
Where is Your Promise, God?
I’m the queen of both romanticism and nostalgia. This means that my vision of an upcoming change in life doesn’t always match reality. If we decide to move across the country for my husband’s job, I tend to romanticize the change with cautious optimism while greatly minimizing its challenges. Or, if time ushers in a new life stage, such as the beginning of middle age, I go to the other extreme and embrace nostalgia while despairing that the future will never be as enjoyable and meaningful as the past. In either case, my tendency to imagine the future creates expectations that slam into reality and produce disappointment and discontentment once one chapter closes and another one opens. Can you relate to either of these? Whether we are optimistically romantic, or hopelessly nostalgic, our presumptive nature is a tactic to help us manage our expectations and quiet our fears.
Why Am I an Emotional Wreck?
Have you ever considered trusting God with your emotions even though your circumstances are unlikely to change?
I wish I could say that stuck in crippling emotion, I sit cross-legged, with my eyes closed and my palms up, trustingly laying my feelings at the feet of Jesus. Maybe I could even add some scented candles to the scene, creating a peaceful setting that I report smells like lavender. Unfortunately, that’s a work of fiction that exists only in my mind. Instead, my narrative is filled with turmoil, restlessness, and frustration. I become pre-occupied. My mind distractedly focuses on my problem, and my brow goes into a prolonged furrowed state. Lavender is nowhere to be found.
Have You Forgotten My Request, God?
The other day I found myself wanting an explanation from God. I know this sounds ridiculous but let me explain.
Some of my prayer requests are several years old. Healing, salvation, relationship restoration, and other long-term desires take time. I understand God knows far better than I do the perfect outcome and the best time to respond. But I also know that His flawless will may fail to match the way that makes so much sense to me. In fact, His answer might be, “no”, and I may have refused to recognize or accept that.
When the pain of unanswered prayer enters my day, I find myself asking God,” Why are you silent and still when I know You could be powerful and present?” Do you wonder the same thing sometimes?
What’s the Worst That Can Happen?
Before I got sober, I tried to control everything. That control, born from the fear of failing at parenting, marriage, balancing home and work, hosting, Christian-ing, etc. kept me captive in a constant state of anxiety about kids’ schedules, home responsibilities, work commitments, personal and professional relationships, body image, and social standing. I worried what people thought, I obsessed about how things “looked,” and I compared myself to everyone else while I attempted to calculate, regulate and even manipulate my circumstances to achieve perfection. It. Was. Exhausting. So, I drank to cope with the pressure.
To-Dos, How-Tos and What-Ifs
Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought, while discussing where to eat with your husband, boyfriend or group of friends, “I don’t really care, I can’t make one more decision today. Someone else decide and just tell me where to go...”
Can you relate? We’re faced with so many decisions inside of one day. Choosing what to wear each morning (selecting which leggings and sweatshirt combo is still a choice), or what we’re going to eat is enough, but we often must do it for all the people in our home too! Let’s not even get into schedules. How and when to wash our hair, prepare meals, clean the house and shop for all the things to do all the above can leave us feeling like we’re in the movie, Groundhog Day. When to get everyone to the dentist? Their physicals? Haircuts? What to buy for any given friend, parent, child, friend’s child’s birthday next week...or even tomorrow. It’s A. LOT.