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Is Jesus Enough?
“I just wanted Jesus to be enough,” flashed in my mind with a faith-battering force as I sat frightened and alone in the Turkish psychiatric hospital. My life had imploded. I was the wife to an adoring husband, the mother of 4 beautiful children, and lived my days as a missionary in a predominantly Muslim country sharing hope in Christ. Childhood trauma, effortlessly concealed behind a well-manicured appearance, gnawed away at my mind going unnoticed by even those closest to me. Dangerous thoughts, strangely coexisting with Scripture, had taken up residence in my mind, secretly threatening my life by irrationally presenting death as the only option of escape.
Why Am I an Emotional Wreck?
Have you ever considered trusting God with your emotions even though your circumstances are unlikely to change?
I wish I could say that stuck in crippling emotion, I sit cross-legged, with my eyes closed and my palms up, trustingly laying my feelings at the feet of Jesus. Maybe I could even add some scented candles to the scene, creating a peaceful setting that I report smells like lavender. Unfortunately, that’s a work of fiction that exists only in my mind. Instead, my narrative is filled with turmoil, restlessness, and frustration. I become pre-occupied. My mind distractedly focuses on my problem, and my brow goes into a prolonged furrowed state. Lavender is nowhere to be found.
What if I’m Not Enough?
“No one would like the real you,” whispered Insecurity in my head. You don’t fit in. You’re socially awkward. You aren’t as pretty, or as smart, or as sophisticated as them. Does that thought ever run through your head too? I was in eighth grade the day that insecurity slipped into my life and started to follow me around like an unwanted friend.