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Authentically, Imperfectly Human
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: most days I’m a hot mess. And by hot mess, I mean I’m usually trying my best, while juggling all my imperfections and the ups and downs of parenting, homeschooling, being a wife and friend, working a few part-time jobs, and everything else in between.
While I love this little life I have, sometimes I wonder if I’m doing anything right. Do my kids feel loved, or am I ruining them? Is my faith strong enough? Did I turn in a winning work project, or did I miss the mark? Does anyone truly relate to me, or am I alone and crazy? It’s hard being a human!
Why So Long, Lord?
The other day, someone made a comment and it re-opened wounds that I thought had healed. It was completely unintentional on her end, and I was able to stay focused on the conversation with my friend. But her innocent proclamation unleashed a flood of torment in my soul. The anguish I felt came from a reminder that a long-term prayer request of mine has never been answered. It’s just dangling in the wind, waiting for God’s wisdom, and timing to dictate its resting place. Why did God answer her prayer and not mine?
Should I Stop Striving?
Years ago, I remembered thinking, One day, I won't be tempted to sin anymore. One day, I will fully trust God with all my son's health issues. One day, I'll stop searching for approval from others. One day, I won't struggle with God anymore.
Is Jesus' Love Enough for Me?
From the time I was a young girl, I was a hopeless romantic. I could spin it to you by saying I was just plain boy-crazy, or by telling you that I possibly watched one too many Disney fairy tales along the way - but the truth of the matter is that I desperately wanted to be loved. As human beings, but women especially, we are designed to want to give and receive unconditional love. We want to be known intimately by someone who will cherish and value us for our wonderful qualities, and someone who will continue loving us right through our bad ones. As I got older, this aching desire I had to feel loved ended up making of fool of me more times than I care to recall. I made some incredibly unfortunate decisions that I'm not proud of today in an attempt to feel love. After a while, I found those attempts at "love" to be incredibly fleeting and in the long-run I was left feeling quite the opposite of what I had hoped for.