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Does God Really Know Best?
Many times, my prayers feel a lot more like pleas. They aren’t faith-filled requests respectfully submitted to God whom I trust. They were desperate desires that I begged all-powerful God to provide. Do you know what I mean? Whether it is a prayer for healing in my friend’s marriage, a job for one of my children, or faith for me to trust God in the love life of another child, I find myself behaving like a frustrated child, begging God to wield His power to my will instead of asking Him to provide and trusting Him to act wisely.
Deep down, I wasn’t trusting in God’s character to do what’s best. I wanted God to fix things. Do you feel the same way?
How Can I Hear God?
We so often think we know exactly what we need. A new job, more understanding from our spouse, a better attitude from our kids, healing, more money, deliverance from a trial. How could any of those desires differ from what God wants us to have?
Following or Followers?
It’s been six months since I’ve posted to my Instagram account for my sobriety blog, www.thisthorn.com. And it’s been almost three years since I’ve added a new article to the site. I’ve been writing all this time, but not uploading any new content.
When I started my blog in the fall of 2015, I wrote endlessly about all my new feelings and experiences in sobriety. I’d never considered myself a writer before. I never journaled. But those first months of recovery, my emotions were raw. I was present for events and situations I’d previously been too numb to experience. I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings. So, I wrote to write. I wrote to expose, to process, to purge and to thank God.
Then the mind games started.
Preserving Power Mode
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt guilty taking a nap...or asking to be alone in your room...or secretly driving around the block one...or even five times while enjoying your silent solitude in the car. Why? Why do we feel so bad?
Why do we long for a day at the spa? What’s the purpose of controlled breathing in child labor? Why are 911 operators even toned and patient, repeatedly asking callers to calm down? What do we tell our children when the site of blood from a scraped knee induces tears of hysteria? When our mind is focused and our body is calm, we’re better equipped to function. We can think more clearly, react more safely and work more efficiently. God created us to slow down in order to speed up.
What Can God Add to My Life?
Everyone must start somewhere and as beginnings go, mine was pretty great. I had parents who loved and advocated for me. I had grandparents who teased that I could find a home with them if I ever wanted to run away from my parents. My birthday was celebrated every year with unique cakes that my mom made from scratch, and I have scrapbooks filled with pictures to capture special occasions and milestones from my childhood.
If there was a flaw in my well-nurtured background, it happened with the very best of intentions. Passed down to me was the belief that I could do and be anything, assuming I worked hard enough. Something got lost in the translation from what was said to what I heard, and I adopted the belief that average wasn’t acceptable.
This conviction was reinforced when I expressed interest in becoming a nurse. In an upbeat tone filled with confidence came the response, “Don’t be a nurse. Be a doctor.”
As mistakes go, erring on the side of believing in your kids and encouraging them to reach their full potential isn’t a disastrous mistake, but it cultivated in me a skewed sense of what was important in life. Most important was worldly achievement, not personal fulfillment or spiritual enrichment or emotional contentment.