Why Don’t I Feel Like Them?

Why Don’t I Feel Like Them?

Whether it’s society’s endorsement of extroverts or my own personal insecurities, I determined early on that I wasn’t the right kind of mom, a good Christian or a loving wife. The world celebrates the “outgoing,” applauds the “never met a stranger,” and rewards the community organizers. Social media highlights the color coordinated group photos, the perfectly executed thematic parties and the more “followers” you have, the more important you are. If connections are currency, the world calculates our worth by the number of people in our orbit.

After years of comparing myself to others and appraising my worth based on their personalities, I’d concluded I was defective, so I drank to cope with high anxiety in social situations and low self-esteem in moments of self-reflection…

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Following or Followers?

Following or Followers?

It’s been six months since I’ve posted to my Instagram account for my sobriety blog, www.thisthorn.com. And it’s been almost three years since I’ve added a new article to the site. I’ve been writing all this time, but not uploading any new content.

When I started my blog in the fall of 2015, I wrote endlessly about all my new feelings and experiences in sobriety. I’d never considered myself a writer before. I never journaled. But those first months of recovery, my emotions were raw. I was present for events and situations I’d previously been too numb to experience. I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings. So, I wrote to write. I wrote to expose, to process, to purge and to thank God.

Then the mind games started.

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