Following or Followers?
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
It’s been six months since I’ve posted to my Instagram account for my sobriety blog, www.thisthorn.com. And it’s been almost three years since I’ve added a new article to the site. I’ve been writing all this time, but not uploading any new content.
When I started my blog in the fall of 2015, I wrote endlessly about all my new feelings and experiences in sobriety. I’d never considered myself a writer before. I never journaled. But those first months of recovery, my emotions were raw. I was present for events and situations I’d previously been too numb to experience. I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings. So, I wrote to write. I wrote to expose, to process, to purge and to thank God.
Then the mind games started. The more transparent I was, the more I was taunted by a little voice hovering above my left shoulder, telling me I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t a professional writer. It compared me to other bloggers and influencers in the sober community. It attacked my self-confidence and identity. The relentless badgering worked, and I quit writing and posting. I became convinced that my work didn’t matter. Not enough people cared. I didn’t have enough followers, my quotes weren’t profound enough, my graphics not professional enough, my photos not perfect enough. I had committed myself to captivity by comparison.
When I expressed my frustration and sadness to a friend, she asked me why I ever started the blog. I told her that I wanted other women out there to know that they’re not alone, and that I understood how they felt as they tried to quit drinking and kept failing. I didn’t want another woman fearing no one understood as she silently suffered in secret. I wanted those women to feel seen.
My friend listened, then began her rhetorical questioning. “So, you aren’t trying to make money, become a sobriety coach or grow followers for attention?” I looked at her incredulously. “No!” I share my story as a means of gratitude. It’s the LEAST I can do to glorify God for saving me from myself. Smiling in response to my horrified reaction, she said, “then it’s not about your followers, but about YOU following Him. It doesn’t matter if thousands of women read it or just one does and it changes her life.”
Just following Him is worth more than any number following me.
She was right. I’d gotten so consumed with watching others gain followers, create catchy content, develop collaborations and acquire endorsements, that I’d lost site of the simple task I’d been given. Much like The Enemy distracted Eve by instilling doubt (Genesis 3:1), he also used Instagram, influencers and all things social media to divert my attention away from what God had laid on my own heart. I’d become convinced that my story wasn’t worthy of sharing because I wasn’t getting enough likes to be loved or enough comments to feel complete. Just like Eve thought she needed to have more so that she could be more, I believed I needed more attention and engagement to make God’s story of rescue and redemption in my life worthy of sharing.
In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he defends himself and the gospel against the Judaizers who have convinced the Gentiles that his teachings aren’t true because he isn’t really an apostle and that more work is required for salvation. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul expresses that we are saved by faith through grace, not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9), but he’s more direct in his defense to the Galatians.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
Praising God, giving Him credit for the good in our lives, and relinquishing claim over our blessings isn’t easy in a world that tells us, “You’ve got this,” and “You do you.” The world wants us to believe we can manifest our own destiny. But in order to gain all the followers, fame and fortune, we must abide by the world’s rules and requirements. We must do more, be more, have more and even know more. But when comparison is our currency, the exchange rate is high.
It’s still tempting to try and grow an audience, extend my reach and submit to what can feel like a select sorority of social media superstars. But anytime I start to explore what’s necessary to fully participate, those feelings of inferiority and self-doubt creep in and I’m reminded I’m going the wrong way. It’s hard to accept that just following God will be fulfilling when we’ve become conditioned to measure our worth by compliments and click-throughs. But those are just digital distractions, they’re technologically advanced apples!
“Just” following God is enough. Sure, I’d like to be featured on Top 10 Lists, get a book deal and travel around the country speaking. But those opportunities come from Him and should be used to call attention to what He’s done and keeps doing daily. I’ll continue to be less present on social media. Recovery has taught me to recognize triggers and set boundaries to protect my serenity. I can’t control how scrolling makes me feel, but I can regulate how much influence it has. Just because I’m not posting about my sobriety, successes and struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t still happening. But I’ve learned we have a finite amount of time and energy and I’d rather use mine experiencing the life I've been called to instead of exposing one that I curate. I’ll keep sharing my story for the girl still suffering, “just” to glorify the God still saving.
Practice Because We’re Imperfect
1.) I just recently read the book, Liking Myself Back by Jaycie Dupree. She’s a fashion blogger who “got in” as an influencer early in the game. Her story chronicles the different stages of her journey, the emotions and experiences connected to the process and what she’s learned along the way. It’s a powerful testimony about the consequences of defining ourselves by our own works and other people’s opinions. I highly recommend!
2.) Set some boundaries for your own scrolling. Limit it to certain times of day, of number of minutes. Unfollow accounts that leave you feeling insecure about yourself or your lifestyle.
3.) Let it go. When obsessing over what to post and when, ask yourself who is more important. The strangers out there, or the loved ones right in front of you?