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From Temptation to Redemption
Hi! I’m Dawn and boy has it been a wild ride for me. Ready to hop on the ride with me? I promise, it is safe now.
All my life, I simply wanted that fairytale dream. You know, the one where you find the perfect mate, you live in the flawlessly decorated farmhouse, and you have two beautiful babes that make your Instagram feed the envy of all. The one where love is always perfect, you are completely fulfilled, and raising your kiddos is all things playdough, playdates, and chocolate-sprinkled doughnuts. It took near destruction of my entire life for me to realize that was not real life and in fact is just in Hollywood blockbusters.
What’s wrong with a little gossip?
Why Is It Wrong, When It Feels So Good?
I jumped as his knuckles hit the table and split open. Blood began to pour out and drip from his hand as tears began to fall from his eyes. I sat there, frozen. Stunned at the words that had just come out of my own mouth: “I’m having an affair.” I was thinking: “this can’t be my life. I didn’t really do this did I?” Yes, yes I did. After the initial confession, it took me an entire day to be completely, totally 100% honest & transparent with Jeremy about everything. Once that happened……..I didn’t leave out a detail. Three nights laying awake talking about everything. Answering every question Jeremy had. I owned every bit of what I did. I made the choices. No one forced me, no one pressured me, no one manipulated me. I did it. I made the choice. As I spoke these words, he wept. He wept at the realization that I had chosen to betray him. His knuckles bled, his eyes wept, his heart broke. All because of a choice I made.
How Do I Get Out Of This Pit of Despair, When It Is All My Fault?
As I found myself in one of the hardest moments of my life, I sat at my kitchen table day in and day out just crying. I had turned away from the Lord turned toward ugly temptations and landed in despair. I would get my boys off to school, my husband off to work and I would go sit, reading scripture, journaling my heart’s cries, and just weep. Gazing out our big kitchen window from time to time all I could muster up the strength to say was “Oh Jesus.” That’s it. That’s all. I didn’t have any other words. Yet, I can tell you this: In those moments of reading scripture for hours and journaling and just crying out to Him; He brought me peace. At times I would hear a still small voice saying “I love you my child.” “You will get through this my child.” “Rest in me my child.” Every day, every-single-day, I took a step towards healing. I took a step towards hope. I surrendered my heart, my everything to the Lord. So first, can I tell you that no matter what it is that has broken you whether it be a bad decision you made, a loss of someone close to you or whatever, let Christ be your rescuer. I had hit rock bottom. The bottom of all bottoms. I fell on my face and asked the only One who could get me out to rescue me. He has.