From Temptation to Redemption

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.

Ephesians 1:7

Hi! I’m Dawn and boy has it been a wild ride!  Ready to hop on the ride with me?  I promise, it is safe now. 

 All my life, I simply wanted that fairytale dream. You know, the one where you find the perfect mate, you live in the flawlessly decorated farmhouse, and you have two beautiful babes that make your Instagram feed the envy of all. The one where love is always perfect, you are completely fulfilled, and raising your kiddos is all things playdough, playdates, and chocolate-sprinkled doughnuts. It took near destruction of my entire life for me to realize that was not real life and in fact is just in Hollywood blockbusters.

Although I didn’t see it then, I really did get my prince charming whom the Lord created perfectly for me. However, he isn’t perfect, nor am I. I am pretty certain Jesus is the only perfect thing about a relationship. Love isn’t a feeling; lust is. Love is a choice made on good days and bad, whether that person gets on your last nerve when they forget to take out the trash again or when they remember to bring you home your favorite ice cream on the day you thought exhaustion couldn’t be any crueler. Love is when you choose the hard, even when the easy feels momentarily better, because you know God is perfect, and he gifted you your spouse, your friend, your partner.  

I also got my two beautiful babes whom the Lord so perfectly wove into our lives at just the right time. Yet, it wasn’t always playdough, playdates, and chocolate-sprinkled doughnuts. It was often a messy house, dishes piled up, and poopy diapers. It was many times sleepless nights, stretching paychecks, and barely scraping by. This just didn’t seem fun, feel good, and definitely was not the fairytale lifestyle I had dreamed of and so desperately wanted.

This reality check of what seemed like a miserable life lasted years and left me feeling empty. I spent countless days wondering what was still out there that could truly make me happy. I was chasing that feeling of completion and satisfaction from creation instead of the Creator. Yes, I had a wonderful husband and two precious children, yet there was still a void; a gaping hole in my soul, and I desperately wanted more. Instead of seeking the Lord and finding peace and contentment in him for the beauty he had blessed me with, I feverishly craved the accolades and praise of those around me, and in my desperation, would do anything and everything necessary to get it. Cue the mass chaos and my life spiraling into total ruin.

Years into living in sheer emptiness, somehow I found myself in ministry on staff at a church. Ironically, my best friend’s husband was also on staff. We worked side by side on many projects in addition to the out-of-office friendship that our families had. This is a dangerous plight that can seem safe when you know Jesus and work in ministry. That very thing is one of the most frightening lies we can find ourselves believing, and it comes straight from the pit of hell. It is that thought: we love Jesus, therefore bad things won’t happen and we are protected from failing. Life alert: even as a believer doing ministry work, hearts can become entangled when boundaries are ignored and priorities are distorted. With the empty abyss I was existing in, my number-one priority had become making myself feel good, seeking the happiness I was missing. In order to accomplish that, my boundaries disappeared faster than the chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant.

 I had an affair with my best friends husband.  Somehow, I was convinced this was the happy ending I dreamed of.  It was not.  It was the horrific beginning of tragedy and loss. 

 Sin takes you farther than you want to go because you have stepped away from the light of a Savior into the blind pits of darkness. Before you know it, you turn to your reflection and have no recognition of the person staring back at you. Once you have reached that place, it can seem like you are stuck there, wallowing in the lie that hope has been lost forever, paralyzing you to keep you there longer than you ever wanted to stay. It keeps you long past that point of the momentary bliss to the place where you begin to wake up from the slumber of sin wondering, how did I get here? Waking to a debt that seems insurmountable, sin costing more than you ever really had in your account.

 It cost me countless friendships. It also cost me a job. It completely cost me the trust of everyone. It almost cost me my marriage. All of it, a debt I would never be able to repay on my own.

 There are no quick fixes.  Quick fixes simply mask an issue, never remedying the source and only leading to more destruction in the future. True solutions only come from the gospel of Jesus Christ and are a process of heart transformation from full confession and surrender, blended with grace and mercy gifted through the redeeming love of our Savior.

 In our brokenness, we must see God and seek him.

Thankfully, I had a Savior, waiting to rescue me.  Through countless years of soaking in God’s Word, hours of Godly counsel and total surrender; I am fulfilled through the greatness of a Holy God who has loved me and transformed me.  I am grateful to be living today with a marriage restored and made new in so many beautiful ways and serving in full time ministry at the very church that I was fired from.  I am excited to share more with you on how you too can flourish in the freedom of redemption in Jesus Christ!