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Why Is It Wrong, When It Feels So Good?
I jumped as his knuckles hit the table and split open. Blood began to pour out and drip from his hand as tears began to fall from his eyes. I sat there, frozen. Stunned at the words that had just come out of my own mouth: “I’m having an affair.” I was thinking: “this can’t be my life. I didn’t really do this did I?” Yes, yes I did. After the initial confession, it took me an entire day to be completely, totally 100% honest & transparent with Jeremy about everything. Once that happened……..I didn’t leave out a detail. Three nights laying awake talking about everything. Answering every question Jeremy had. I owned every bit of what I did. I made the choices. No one forced me, no one pressured me, no one manipulated me. I did it. I made the choice. As I spoke these words, he wept. He wept at the realization that I had chosen to betray him. His knuckles bled, his eyes wept, his heart broke. All because of a choice I made.
How Do I Get Out Of This Pit of Despair, When It Is All My Fault?
As I found myself in one of the hardest moments of my life, I sat at my kitchen table day in and day out just crying. I had turned away from the Lord turned toward ugly temptations and landed in despair. I would get my boys off to school, my husband off to work and I would go sit, reading scripture, journaling my heart’s cries, and just weep. Gazing out our big kitchen window from time to time all I could muster up the strength to say was “Oh Jesus.” That’s it. That’s all. I didn’t have any other words. Yet, I can tell you this: In those moments of reading scripture for hours and journaling and just crying out to Him; He brought me peace. At times I would hear a still small voice saying “I love you my child.” “You will get through this my child.” “Rest in me my child.” Every day, every-single-day, I took a step towards healing. I took a step towards hope. I surrendered my heart, my everything to the Lord. So first, can I tell you that no matter what it is that has broken you whether it be a bad decision you made, a loss of someone close to you or whatever, let Christ be your rescuer. I had hit rock bottom. The bottom of all bottoms. I fell on my face and asked the only One who could get me out to rescue me. He has.