Can I Find Purpose Through My Pain?
Not only that but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5)
When I was young, I dreamed of being a mom. I just knew I would make a great one! I wanted to be a mom so badly that I think I even loved my kids back then- Yep, before they were even born. At least I knew that I wanted their lives to be perfect and magical in every way. And if I had anything to say about it, they would never experience an ounce of pain in this life.
And then I had kids . . .
I have three pretty great kiddos, and each of them have had their own obstacles along the way, but our middle son is fighting battles that have tested our entire family's emotional strength and endurance over the years. Cash was born with a rare chromosome deletion causing him to have a plethora of medical problems. He is on a feeding tube and has an incredibly limited diet. He has epilepsy, muscle weakness, and so much more. 21qDeletion is so rare that he had no diagnosis for years, and we had no way of knowing what was causing him to be so sick or what the outcome of his life might be. His hospitalizations, surgeries, and procedures have been countless. I have watched as my child has been poked and prodded, writhed in pain, and been zapped of the energy that spills endlessly out of most children. Cash’s life has been a far cry from the lofty dreams of the perfect existence I had hoped to give to my children. It was a hard and painful truth to face as I realized that I had zero control over the pain that my child would experience in this life. A mother's natural instinct is to want to heal their child's hurt, and one of the most excruciating lessons I have learned in life is that sometimes- I just can’t fix it.
When Cash was younger, he was dealt blow after blow when it came to his health. I became angry. I fought, and I scrambled to fix him, to heal him, to make things right, to bring some sense of normalcy into a life that was anything but, and nothing seemed to work. I couldn't take the pain away. I couldn't stop the seizures from coming. I couldn't allow him to eat a solid meal without vomiting. I was miserable with worry about how all these things would affect him. How could a child experience so much trauma and it not affect the outcome of their life or how they viewed the world around them? What if he becomes angry or grows up to be filled with fear and anxiety? The kind of anger, fear, and anxiety that had been taking over me? I didn’t want that for him. Eventually, I did the only thing I knew to do. I did the only thing I could do. I gave up, and I gave it to God. I stopped grasping for normalcy, and I embraced the life that God has given to us. I can’t say I do it perfectly, but I continue getting better every day.
Cash is 11 years old now, and life isn’t always a bed of roses for him, but I can tell you that most days, Cash is happy. He’s joyful, loving, considerate, and sweet. The most well-defined and consistent characteristic that Cash displays is the deep empathy he has for others. I have never met another person who cares for others the way that Cash does. He cares if people are hurting, and he worries if they will be okay, but more than anything, he wants people who are struggling to know Jesus. I am convinced that this quality isn't something that he was just born with, nor is it a product of my parenting, though, sometimes I’d like to claim the latter. The truth is that Cash’s empathetic heart is a quality that has been acquired over years of pain and struggle. I am convinced Cash’s suffering has served a meaningful and eternal purpose. Cash knows who brought him through all those moments of hurt; therefore, he passionately wants others to know as well, and he can often be found telling others all about Jesus. This isn’t the most popular thing for a 5th grader to do, but that hasn’t stopped him yet. Lately, I find myself watching him in complete amazement as I see how God has spent over a decade now equipping and preparing Cash for precious moments such as these.
Friend, I am not sure what kind of fight you're up against, but I know that God doesn’t give us accidental battles. He has a plan and a purpose for your life. Maybe you feel like you are in a world of trouble, and you can't seem to find the way out. Perhaps it even feels like God is absent and not listening to your cries for help. Maybe your heart is aching so badly that you can’t imagine trying to help others right now because you feel you can barely help yourself. I know this pain all too well, and I want you to know that looking back on our lives from this perspective, I wouldn't trade a second of that pain for this entire world on a silver platter.
If we allow Him to, God will use our pain to refine and strengthen us. And He won't only teach us to persevere through our trials, He will also enable us to help others along the way. There are people around you right in this very moment with aching and wounded hearts. Is it possible that God might have placed you and your story in their life as a source of healing or comfort? What if we could view our pain as a precious gift rather than an affliction? What if we considered our pain a treasured and valuable opportunity? Sweet Friend, God will never waste a moment of our pain, and He doesn’t intend for us to either.
