Can I Stop Being a People-Pleaser?

"For am I now trying to persuade people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." 

(Galatians 1:10 CSB).

Typically, when writing, I tend to choose a subject where I've gained some valuable experience along the way. I often write from a place of lessons learned. While I'm certainly writing from experience today, I'll come clean and admit that these "experiences" continue to creep into my life more often than I care to admit. So today, I write from a place of wisdom gained and wisdom lost, a place of vulnerability and habitual error. 

Friends, I am a recovering people-pleaser.

I genuinely like making others happy. I want people to like me and to enjoy my company. I'm not at all fond of letting others down, and I absolutely cannot stand it when someone doesn't like me. All typical feelings, I suppose, and while they don't make me a bad person, I have learned that these feelings can, however, lead me into some bad behaviors.

In 2022, it seems life is giving us a lot to juggle. I sometimes become overwhelmed as I shuffle the demands of being a wife, mom, writer, and friend. Throw in the attempts to maintain my weight, keep a clean house, make sure my (greyer by the day) roots are touched up, read my bible, meet Jesus in prayer, cart my kids to school, soccer, and doctors' appointments, and well, you can throw some butter on me because I'm just toast. 

I've noticed that when my calendar is overwhelmed, my heart typically follows suit. I don't mind having a full life. In fact, I enjoy it. After all, God wants us to live productively, right? But sometimes, I've been known to take on too much. I say “Yes” to one too many things. I start with pure intentions and good motives in my heart. I want to be Christlike. I want to help others. I want to be a good example to my children. I want to look attractive to my husband. But the world pressures us to be more and do more, all while telling us to age and weigh less.

If there is one thing I have learned in this ongoing struggle, it's that I must guard my heart. When my heart is aligned with Jesus, I have found that I can joyfully take on the chaos of life. But when I seek to please others before Him, discouragement always follows. I could spin around in circles trying to please the crowd but would still be left with feelings of emptiness inside. I cannot please everyone, and even if I could, the validation that might follow would be short-lived and fleeting. I will never be enough for this world, and this world will never be enough for me. My only hope is Jesus.

 I have a hunch if you're making your way through the trenches of motherhood, womanhood, or any hood in 2022, you might know what I'm talking about. Life can be exhausting here, can't it? So friend, will you join me in stopping to rest with Him a while? Nothing in this world is so urgent that it should ever take the place of our time with Jesus. Instead of trying to be everything for everyone, let's just bask in the beauty of being His. Let's allow His grace to flood our souls with the complete understanding that He loves us, whether we meet the deadline, or clean the house, or gain ten pounds. Friend, what I write today is as much for me as it is for you. My heart knows, but I so easily forget. Why do I strive to be more when I know He is already enough? The human heart contains voids that we often wander off to try and fill. We so easily forget that He is the only source of fulfillment worth seeking. 

I have found there is no one-time fix for this people-pleasing problem. Instead, I'm learning that I must wake up daily and cling to a firm plan of action to combat my behavior. If you're struggling to keep up in your hood these days, too, I hope you'll join me in committing to this daily plan.

1) Study the bible: (In the A.M. if possible)

Make it a habit to seek Him every morning. Before we allow anyone or anything (family, friends, job, social media, etc.) to creep in and shift our focus away from Him, we must arm our hearts with Scripture and allow Him to guide our commitments and desires for the day ahead. 

Pray: (Over our calendars)

This may sound silly but hear me out. God wants to use each of us for a purpose. If we say yes to every project, volunteer job, or duty that someone asks us to fulfill, we will end up spreading ourselves too thin to manage the one or two areas of service that He is indeed calling us to. Instead, let's ask the Holy Spirit to show us where He wants to use our time and talent for His glory. We must create boundaries that will allow us to do our jobs well.

Meditate: (On the freedom of not being enough)

It's incredibly liberating to accept the fact that I am not enough, but it's even more comforting to know that God most certainly is! We aren't modern-day Wonder Women. We cannot be everything for everyone, and that's okay! We can have peace with others' disappointment in us. And also- wrinkles and a bit of belly pudge are perfectly acceptable parts of life for a mother approaching 40. Let's own this, shall we?

Friend, let's settle ourselves in the firm foundation of who He is instead of some filtered version of who we think we ought to be. Let's take a deep breath and prepare our hearts for a beautiful change of pace. While it's tempting to sign off today with a motivational "We've got this, girl!" instead, let's take heart and trust that we have complete access to the one who truly does.