When Wedding Vows Go Up In Smoke

Let all that you do be done in love.

1 Corinthians 16:14

A couple of years after my husband and I married, we had a terrible house fire that started from a box fan in our bedroom. It was devastating. I'll never forget the helpless feeling of disbelief while watching from our street as smoke barreled from the windows of the first house we ever called home together. Justin and I had such a rocky start to our marriage. While most newlywed fights start over silly matters like him leaving his underwear on the floor or her burning dinner, our marriage started with us learning to manage a blended family, then having our first child together, who battled severe medical issues, and Justin was traveling often for his job. As we tried to juggle it all, we both realized that, to make matters worse, each of us had brought a lot of prior baggage to our relationship. The fights were frequent. Resentment ran rampant. And now this was happening. I worried we wouldn’t survive it. As I watched those giant billowing clouds of black smoke drift through the air and dissipate off into the distance, every shred of hope I had for our future as a family seemed to be floating off with it. We were struggling to make our marriage work, and it seemed like even though we were trying to do things right, everything kept going wrong.

 I stared up at the pretty house on a hill that we had purchased together with such naïve hopes that all the memories we made inside would be perfect and beautiful. I considered all the irreplaceable items that I'd never see again. I thought of honeymoon pictures, baby keepsakes, Christmas ornaments, and more, but at the very top of my list were the wedding vows I had written to my husband. Justin and I had written our own private vows to one another and had my adorable stepdaughter hand-deliver them to one another just before our wedding started. It was a special moment I will always remember. Afterward, we had the vows framed and hung above our bed as a daily reminder of our commitment to one another. At the time, Justin was a bit more tech-savvy than me. He had saved his vows on his laptop. I, unfortunately, had not saved mine anywhere. It almost seemed symbolic in some way as I worried all the dreams we had hoped for our future might be going up in flames as well.

A couple of hours and several tears later, a fireman came to walk us through what had been our home. The smell of soot was so strong that I had to ask a neighbor to take my son while we went inside. The mini blinds in every room were melted down the walls. The windows had busted from the heat. Our clothes and things were tossed about everywhere and broken. Water, smoke, and fire had destroyed almost everything we owned. Everything inside our room was black, and the heat inside the house was still so intense that the walls were hot to the touch.

I walked out of the house feeling such deep loss and defeat, but as I made my way back to my car, not knowing where to go or what to do, I heard a deep voice call out, "Excuse me, Ma'am!" It was one of the firemen calling to me from the house. He chased me to my car and said, "I saved this for you. I thought it might be something important."

 Tears filled my eyes as he handed me a crinkled piece of paper. Dampened from the water with brown singe marks throughout, it was the wedding vows I had written to my husband. They had hung framed on the wall as our entire bedroom went up in flames. All things considered, they hung in there quite nicely. No longer were they spelled out on a crisp, white, perfectly pressed piece of paper in a big, beautifully framed encasement anymore. But the words were still there and even legible, believe it or not. And over the next several years, those words would begin to mean more to me than they ever had before.

Looking back today, that blemished piece of paper symbolizes our marriage better than it ever could have in all its perfection. Marriage is hard, and life is complicated. Ours was no exception to the rule. None of us get through this life without experiencing some brokenness. Luckily, God loves us through our brokenness, and if we trust Him, he'll help us learn to love one another through it too.

Similar to the vows I wrote to my husband promising to love and honor him through good and bad, God places a seal on the lives of those who trust in him as their Savior. But His seal is never in danger of becoming broken, no matter what damage is done. He forgives us for all our wrongs, and if we can learn to place Him at the head of our marriage, he will teach us to do the same with one another.

Sweet friend, perhaps your marriage is struggling today, and you're having trouble seeing past the ruins that surround you. I understand the feeling of wanting to give up and throw in the towel. I know hurt, resentment, and feeling like too many hurtful words have been spoken for things to be fixed.

But please remember these words today: He can take what's broken and make it beautiful.

My husband and I will be married for 14 years this summer (together for 16), and words can't express how happy we are that we stayed the course. I cannot imagine life without him by my side. Out of sheer desperation after those difficult early years, we began studying the Bible and praying together. This led us to grow in ways unimaginable both individually and as husband and wife. Eventually, this changed our marriage entirely. We began to see one another through the eyes of Jesus. We learned the word compromise, and it has served us so very well. We learned to give each other grace, we let go of resentment, and our love began to grow immensely. Today I stand in amazement as I consider how easily we might have given up, walked away, and missed out on what we have together now. Little did I know how much closer the flames, smoke, and brokenness of life would bring us to each other and our Savior. 

Friend, it's no different for you. While I want to encourage you not to watch your marriage fade away like drifting smoke in the wind, the fact of the matter is that I don't know what kind of pain, hurt, or perhaps even abuse or infidelity you might have experienced to lead you to this blog today, so I won't tell each and every woman reading this blog to cling to her husband at all cost. But I will say with complete confidence to every woman listening that you can never go wrong clinging to Jesus. Pray to Him about it. Study His word, and earnestly seek His will. He is incapable of letting us down.

Sweet Friend, don't ever underestimate how capable He is of transforming your situation. Like my vows, what looks tattered today can be a precious treasure tomorrow.