What Should I Do?
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Proverbs 13:10
One of the reasons it took me so long to get sober is that I was ashamed of my problem. I didn’t want anyone else to know that I couldn’t control my drinking. I was worried about what they would think. Was I lush? Was I just weak? Was I being overly dramatic? I refused to talk about it to anyone for over two years. All the while my self-confidence dissolved, and my emotional stability slowly weakened. Even when I wasn’t drinking, my mood was different. I was withdrawn, irritable, distracted. The fear of being “found out” and forced to admit failure consumed my every thought. It governed my days and monopolized my nights.
And the enemy loved every minute of it.
If I was handcuffed to my self-sufficiency, I was a captive audience to his lies about my self-worth. I felt beaten down, defeated and deserving of this false identity. Alone in my shame left me vulnerable to his poison. I was a wounded animal, exposed to The Enemy.
I’ve said it before. Secrets keep us sick. Secrets steal our serenity and secrets separate us from God. God does not breathe shame. He doesn’t anoint us with guilt. God isn’t sorting us with stamps that say “defective” or labeling us with titles like “unworthy.” No, those feelings are felt in the hiding place we find after we follow the directions of a liar.
But the meaning of the word secret isn’t what you may think.
secret /ˈsēkrit/
noun
something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.
The word secret is used so often in the context of something salacious or scandalous, we fail to understand it simply means something we don’t share. Secrets aren’t just inappropriate, immoral or illegal things we choose to hide to protect ourselves. Secrets can be anything we don’t share. Our social security number, our age, the color of our underwear, how boring our workday was.
Having said that, secrets cause more damage more frequently than we realize. This past week, I noticed a friend acting very out of sorts. She was pre-occupied and somber. Come to find out, she had something on her mind she didn’t know how to handle. She was debating between two plans of action but was paralyzed with indecision. When she finally shared her issue, she admitted it wasn’t that big of a deal. She just didn’t want to bother anyone by asking for advice. She was afraid we’d think she was making a mistake, that she shouldn’t be in this position in the first place or that she was incompetent for not being able to decide. She was worried we’d think less of her, so she’d committed to solving in on her own...all alone.
That secret was making her crazy. It was consuming her thoughts and dictating her mood, stealing her serenity. And the lies she’d told herself that she’d assume we’d think about her-those were separating her from God, because they were not from Him.
All our problems can be traced back to the enemy convincing Eve that she needed to “go it alone.” We’ve been determined to be self-sufficient ever since.
But it’s not supposed to be this way. Proverbs, often referred to as the Book of Wisdom, offers this reminder.
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Proverbs 13:10
Sometimes we don’t seek advice because we’re afraid. Other times, we’re too proud. We don’t want people to think we need the help. We want to be able to do all the things all the time, all by ourselves. That’s just dangerous. It only leads to frustration and disappointment. God wants us to call on one another, and Him. He’s the Greatest Counselor. He already knows what we’re dealing with, without us even saying. He, too, provides direction and counsel when we pray, James 1:5 and James 3:17.
When we hold on too tight to self-sufficiency and determination, we only grow weary. It impacts our relationships, daily living, and most importantly, our self-esteem.
When we release the reins of independence, relief has room to move in.
Asking for help and seeking advice isn’t easy in a world defined by girl power and “you’ve got this.” But those declarations are just that - “of the world.” We’re invited to live better, freer, surrounded by love and peace through fellowship with each other and conscious contact with God. We’re called to lean upon one another, reveal our struggles and seek advice. In doing so, we’re not only unburdened by “sharing the load,” we also receive fresh perspective and encouragement.
Practice Because We’re Imperfect
1.) Listen to I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe
2.) Consider something you’re dealing with right now. Who is someone you can confide in? If you don’t know, ask God to revel someone, to give you strength to reach out and the courage to seek advice.