When your Oreos are double stuffed with forgiveness

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times but seventy- seven times.”

Matthew 18:21-22 NIV

 Forgiveness: Everyone wants it, yet we all struggle to give it.

 I'll admit, in the past few years, this subject has taken me on a rollercoaster ride. As a Christian, I desire intimacy with God. So, I want to be obedient and forgive those who hurt me. But in all my humanness, this can be easy to forget.

Three years ago, I was abandoned by someone who meant the world to me. It was someone I respected and looked up to more than I ever had anyone in my life. It was someone I wanted to please so much that I let them manipulate and disregard my feelings for years while never uttering a word of the pain or disappointment they caused me. I thought I was doing the Christian thing by not addressing it. I'll forgive and forget, I thought. But what I was actually doing was letting someone trample on my heart. The hurt continued, and when I finally stood up for myself in the relationship, they became angry and discarded me like a piece of trash that you toss away without a thought.

In the three years since, I hurt and grieved over the loss of this relationship. But, I sought Christian counseling and dug deep into my Bible. I did a lot of work on learning how to forgive someone who is incapable of saying they are sorry or acknowledging someone else's pain. It is one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but after about a year or so, I found my heart in a much better place. Most days, I could say I had forgiven this person. But before you go thinking I'm some holier-than-thou super-Christian who somehow cracked the forgiveness code, let me explain what I mean by "most days."

One thing I learned while trying to forgive was that I had to do it daily. This meant I had to wake up every day and ask God to help me forgive this person all over again. I had to be in prayer over this person continually. I had to beg God, day in and day out, to help me let go of the hurt and bitterness that, at times, seemed to strangle my heart. Once I felt like I was letting the bitterness go, I began praying for this person's heart, and after I had done that for a while, I felt God nudging me to pray for blessings in their life. This wasn't an easy prayer at first, but after some time, I was able to do it with ease.

Eventually, I got comfortable enough that I stopped praying about it. Maybe I felt it was over, and it was time to move on. Perhaps I even began to pat myself on the back for a job well done in the forgiveness department, assuming God was probably so proud of me for forgiving someone who caused me so much pain. After all, this wasn't some rinky-dink relationship. This was a monumental loss in my life. I'm not quite sure why I stopped praying about it, but for some reason, I just did. Things were fine for a bit, but soon, when this person came to mind, I began to cringe inside again. I started feeling anger or sadness when I heard their name. I once saw them, and my stomach felt like it turned inside out while a lump instantly rose in my throat. I confided to a close friend that I should get back to praying over it every day- but every day came and went, and I made little to no effort, keeping the hurt tucked away once more.

Soon, bitterness crept its way around my heart once more. Before I knew it, I found myself blaring the Ke$ha song "Praying" on repeat while desperately attempting to put a Biblical spin on it. And friend, while I can't help but like most of that song, some parts just don't align with the heart of Jesus.

One busy day, as I rushed home between appointments, I tried grabbing the quickest thing I could for lunch. I was starving! I opened my pantry, and there it was, staring right at me- an unopened box of Double-Stuffed Oreo cookies (gluten-free, of course). In my intense hunger, I opened the bag and inhaled seven of them in about 12 seconds flat. I felt instant regret. I quickly flipped the package over to check the calorie count. My regret intensified as I realized there were 140 calories per two cookies. That's 70 calories per cookie! I immediately started adding 70 times seven in my head when . . . BAM! The scripture between Peter and Jesus came to me.

I thumbed through my Bible to find the conversation because I knew instantly that's what God was telling me to do, and sweet friend, I have to tell you my regret soon vanished when I realized the Lord had ordained these sweet little cookies!

Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Because Jewish Rabbis taught that forgiveness only needed to be extended three times, Peter was likely expecting some accolades or a pat on the back from Jesus for being so generous with his forgiveness.

Sound familiar?

Jesus answered Peter, saying, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Now, there is some disagreement among scholars about whether Jesus meant 77 times or 70 x 7, which would equal 490 times. But that day, as I popped another 70 calories in my mouth, it hit me that the exact number didn't even matter because what Jesus truly wants us to know is that forgiveness should be endless. It should be offered over and over, even if you can only offer it from afar.

Some relationships are emotionally unsafe. God doesn't expect us to allow our hearts to be trampled upon. But He does want us to trust Him through the hard stuff and find the strength to forgive what cannot be fixed. Perhaps you're like me, and you have struggled with forgiveness. Maybe you stopped praying, or perhaps you never even started. I want to remind you that forgiveness is still necessary even if the relationship is unreconcilable. Because, at that point, it has very little to do with the other person and everything to do with the condition of our own heart.

 Are you struggling with bitterness, hurt, or unforgiveness today? I want to encourage you to give it to God on a daily basis. 

 Start easy if you must, but be consistent in seeking His help and guidance.

 You can start with a prayer that goes something like this:

Heavenly Father,

I ask that you align my heart with yours. Give me eyes to see this person how you see them. Lord, I pray you bring healing to their heart and my own. I pray that you convict my heart when I hold onto bitterness or if I have been wrong in any way. I pray you convict their heart the same. I pray you would turn hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. Lord, I pray you would guide me to accept the loss if continuing a relationship with this person is emotionally unsafe. Help my heart to understand and to heal accordingly. Father, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. To the one who forgave every sin, mistake, and flaw in me, help me to forgive just the same.

It is in your precious name we pray, Amen.

 Sweet friend, I promise if you seek Jesus for help on a daily basis, He will transform your heart in ways you cannot fathom now. After you've been consistent in these prayers for a while and you start to feel the winds of change sweep through, bringing fresh new hope into your heart, thank the Lord for bringing the healing that only He can.

And remember, there's no shame in celebrating with an Oreo- or perhaps even seven.