A Psalm for the Barbie in all of us

“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, God”

Psalm 42:1.

What would you say if I were to ask you to define yourself in one sentence right now? 

Would you talk about your children, occupation, or marital status? Perhaps you would mention your hobbies, your aspirations, or volunteer positions? Maybe you would avoid the stamp of identity altogether and divert the question by only listing your love for black iced coffee, pink sunsets, peach pie, or your giant Goldendoodle. (If I were choosing to divert, those would be my go-to answers, anyway.) 

However, the question remains: What is it that makes you, YOU? 

Many women, myself included, wrestle with this question at some time or another. 

Today's world says women must be successful, get noticed, be thin, be charming, stand out, and be beautiful. We must be intelligent, talented, sexy, yet classy, bold, witty, organized, healthy, creative, punctual, and take perfect care of everyone around us. The list of roles we attempt to fill flawlessly is never-ending.

Do I sound like the Barbie movie yet? 

 While Barbie was correct in its assessment that most women feel these pressures and even that society often demands them, the film failed to mention the aspect of our wandering hearts. Our hearts fool us into desiring the unachievable. The longings of our hearts yearn for more and more. The Bible says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV).

Perhaps you are the mom overextending herself with parties, appointments, activities, and a clean house today. She tries to do all the right things with all the right touches, racing from here to there to keep up with her calendar of events and ensure everyone around her is happy and feels loved. But all the while, she's running on fumes, wishing someone- anyone, would stop for just a moment to notice and appreciate how hard she tries to juggle it all.

Or maybe you're the career woman who has put her entire life and future on hold while she grips and claws to make it one more step up the ladder to prove her success and value.

Or could you be the woman who allows her self-worth to be determined by the number on the scale, the number in her bank account, or the number of likes on her latest social media post? She's exhausted from striving so hard to reach her goals, and some days, she wonders why she even tries at all.

Sweet friend, I don't know your story, but if you're anything like me, the real issue has little to do with our success, achievements, brains, or beauty. The problem truly lies within the desires of our hearts. If you're tired of running in circles in search of fulfillment and you're ready for solutions, it's time to dig deep and ask yourself some serious questions.

 What is the true longing of your heart? 

What feeling are you trying to achieve?

What void are you trying to fill?

When I was a little girl, my church often sang a hymn inspired by the Psalm for this devotion. I love to sing, and this song has such a beautiful melody. Thirty years later, if you showed up at my house on a random Tuesday while I was doing laundry or cooking dinner, you might even find me muttering out the lyrics.

"As the deer panteth for the water

So, my soul longeth after Thee.

You alone are my heart's desire.

And I long to worship Thee.

You alone are my strength, my shield.

To you alone may my spirit yield.

You alone are my heart's desire.

And I long to worship Thee."

I was a decent little singer when I was a kid, but I didn't have the confidence to sing publicly. I remember practicing this song when I was alone often and trying to hit every single note just right. I thought to myself, if I could get it perfect, I might try to sing it in front of the church one day. But I was never satisfied with my private performance, so I never asked. 

I wasted many years striving for perfection, acceptance, love, value, worth, and success. Perhaps that's why I dreamt of singing aloud. I wanted to feel chosen or valued in some way. It took me a long time to realize that I already was. 

As I sing this song as a grown woman now, I find myself wishing I had paid more attention to the lyrics than to perfecting my singing voice. If I had, I might have saved myself from a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. 

 Friend, the only one who can fill our hearts is Jesus. The Psalmist knew this, and he longed for the Lord's presence in his life. His soul thirsted for closeness and intimacy with his Creator, the one who crafted and knit his inner being. And sister, ours does, too! Striving for love, value, or acceptance from anything in this world only brings a temporary fix or a fleeting feeling of happiness. Only Jesus can fill our yearning hearts the way they were meant to be filled. 

So, will you pause the next time you find yourself longing to be noticed or known and striving for unattainable perfection? And whether you have the voice of an angel or the voice of Marge Simpson, sing these sweet lyrics with complete understanding that it's only Him your soul longs for, and he's so much closer than you think. There is no audience to impress here, only the God who awaits eagerly to fill your heart and quench your soul.